the challenges of motherhood

Well, for some time now I have been telling myself that I would post more regularly and let my reader (I think there's only one person who reads my blog now - thanks mom!) see more deeply into my heart and life. The area I have been putting off writing about is my boys. My husband and I have three boys ages 14, 11 (12 on 2/2) and 8. They are the joy of our lives. And they have stretched and challenged us more than we ever imagined they could.

First off, let me tell you that I LOVE being a mom. Before I had children I was not all that enthused about being a mom but once I had our oldest my heart was totally taken. I love the challenge of raising children to be responsible, caring adults and I love the privilege of watching them grow and develop and mature. My boys are so precious to me. I am honored to have the role of mother in their lives.

The most challenging part of being a mother for me (other than potty-training - those experiences still give me nightmares!) is the fact that my two oldest boys have a form of autism called Asperger's Syndrome. Oh, I have learned so much by the experience of raising children with special needs. And my heart goes out to all parents out there who are. This experience has really opened my eyes to so many things. First, that there is a grief process that parents go through as they are raising children with special needs. When we are expecting our children we have hopes and dreams that we aren't even aware of and when we discover that our children have disabilites, we have to let go of some or many of these hopes and dreams. And of course there is often a feeling of guilt that we are grieving over our children - but I've learned to just accept the grief and allow it to work through me so I can get to the other side - acceptance and hope and cherishing the life God has given us.

There is so much more I have learned but I think I'll save it for other posts. I am hoping to write a little about each of my boys in the next week - maybe even have them write about themselves as well. They have blessed my life so richly and I hope they will bless yours as well.